Pandas Unleashed

by Willow Neilson

Wildlife authorities realized in the past,
We need to find ways to make certain species last,
Practices were put forth and they made distinctions,
In an effort to save cherished creatures from extinction,
They devised methods to have offenders reprimanded,
Governments pandered to demands and they saved some pandas,
Kept in captivity in breeding pairs,
So future generations need not despair,
But a problem was found, it wasn’t long til they knew it,
The problem for pandas was that they don’t like to do it.
Maybe they had mismatched, like previously with the Kodiaks,
They even sort consultation to check compatible zodiacs,
Schemes were hatched and ideas were born,
They even tried making erotic panda porn,
But they were far from titillated from these sleazy acts,
Until they formulated a plan for a panda aphrodisiac,
This Panda taboo that ensued would find its undoing,
For a clue in bamboo would soon have them screwing,
Scientists had long racked their brains,
To discover a lesser known bamboo strain,
Hidden deep in far off isolation,
Where they found pandas with a penchant for masturbation,
Their randy disposition was found due to diet,
So they cloned all the plants and decided to try it.
In Zoos around the world children were perplexed,
To witness Pandas becoming seriously oversexed,
Echoing through the city’s alley ways and chasms,
Was the constant roar of zoo captured pandas orgasms,
Zoo keepers were happy as their cash registers chimed,
As the number of pandas just climbed and climbed,
But a problem soon arose with this direction they were steering,
As there is fault with man as god using genetic engineering,
The altered strain of bamboo in China had escaped,
To grow wild causing a new future to be shaped,
Soon all the pandas were twisting into sexual contortions,
Their numbers growing almost to plague proportions,
Their sexual zeal was out of control,
The males would try to stick it in any available hole,
They descended upon the villages first,
Fears were realized that were for the worst,
People tried to run but there was no escape,
From the black and white scourge of panda pack rape,
Man, child or woman they were not discerning,
In a sweaty, panting furry throng they were churning,
But soon the pandas would all meet their ends,
As man fought back and sought their revenge,
Those who’d been wronged by panda paw,
All joined forces to fight in the panda wars,
The species they had previously protected and saved,
Was systematically wiped out now they’d become so depraved,
Humans were doubly reminded of the dangers that it brings,
When you meddle with the natural order of things,
Rules were put in place, firm and rigid,
Don’t coerce anything that is naturally frigid.


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